Cuties

There is a new foal at our barn and he's adorable.  He's so obviously warmblood.  Look at his giant ears!  He's very brave and friendly.  But mostly adorable.

 Speaking of adorable, my pony was happy to see me.

I know, this looks like a picture of horse poop.  But what it really is, is evidence of how neat and tidy my pony is.  This is her stall on a day when she did NOT get turned out.  Nice little piles of poop in the back of the stall.  Good, clean pony.

 Here she is in the dreaded wash rack.  I would like to point out two things.  One, she is interested in me and alert, but not dancing around like an idiot.  Two, there is no poop in the wash rack.  I have been putting her in the wash rack after every ride and then walking away.  I don't groom her in there, I don't wash her, I simply walk away (taking my nervous nellie energy with me) and go about cleaning tack etc.  I'm two steps away from her, but out of sight.  She can probably smell me and can definitely hear me, but we don't feed into each others anxiety.  In two sessions of this, she has relaxed considerably.  I am going to take my ever loving sweet time and will add (in this order) grooming after rides, untacking after rides, grooming before rides, tacking before rides, cleaning tack with water in the wash rack but not going anywhere near her, spraying the ground, spraying her feet and so on and so on.  Any time she shows any anxiety at all, I am going to stay at that level until I get total relaxation.  It will be a long process for us, but I think it will fix her wash stall anxieties for good.

 Also, at the risk of jinxing it, she is the cleanest damn pony I've ever owned AND she's a grey!  She has not been bathed since the beginning of summer and even then it was only halfway done.  She doesn't even get her feet hosed off and look at how sparkly clean she is.  Amazing.  And kind of weird.

A Month in Mostly Pictures

First, let's get the down and dirty out of the way.  They caught the guy who killed my friend and he is currently awaiting his trial.  He has been charged with First Degree Murder.  It was a relief to know they had caught someone and now we just wait while the legal system does it's work.  And so, for the rest of us, life moves us along.

I'm sorry that I won't have in depth postings about some of the cool things I did.  The space in my brain was taken up with details of death.  So, here are some pictures and short blurbs about what's been happening in the pony world.

This is the amazing pony from Red Horse Farms down in Auburn.  Laura was nice enough to invite me down for a pony playdate and this handsome little guy taught me the ropes.  Get it?  Ropes?  I crack myself up.  He was a total gentleman and would only do it if I did it *right*, but he was never cranky when I got it wrong.  Cricket is for sale and if I could just shrink myself a foot, I'd snap him up in a heartbeat.

After an invigorating (not) workout in groundwork, Cricket felt like he needed a roll.  Or five.  

Adorable mini and mini donkey.  I love tiny ponies!

This photo makes me laugh.  Look how tall Tessa appears to be!  That's called "Standing on a hill behind your owner."  It's probably a well known marketing tool.  Next time I'm gonna pile up dirt for her front legs to stand on so she'll look up hill too!

Another picture where she looks tall.  Or maybe I look short?

This our America's Next Top Model Pose.  We are WORKING IT!  

This photo, though just seeming to be an adorable photo, is actually proof that my pony got on a trailer and we went on a trail ride.  I rode the lovely Bay Bay, who was mostly lovely besides deciding at one point that there was no stopping.  Being a mare, that meant some fancy spinning moves as she protested the stopping bit.  Tessa was a rockstar.  Her little legs shook when she went over the bridges and she did have a moment on the way back where she decided she was done doing that.  After much encouragement and then some not so gentle encouragement when Tessa decided that bucking off her rider might be a good solution, she crossed the second to last bridge and went on her way.  Though she was worried about the bridges, there was no spooking.  She also is quite possibly the slowest trail horse in history.  She ambled.  Perfect.  A few more of those under her belt and I'll be ready to ride her down the trails myself!

So that's it.  I have only been at the barn sporadically but Tessa has been getting some education over jumps, thanks to a rider having a lame horse at the barn.  She also has a new kid rider who rides her twice a week.  Even though I'm seeing her less these days, it does feel like the quality of our time is better.  Or maybe it's just the events in my life gave me a bitter bittersweet reminder to cherish what is in my life right now.  Either way, I'm pretty content.  And I will try to resume regular posting.  At least I finally came through with the pictures, right?

The Sky is Too Blue

Sorry for the lack of posts, especially the one with pictures and happy blogger news.  Friday night my world was rocked, in a bad way.  My dear friend Yancy was shot in a random, senseless act of violence.  He was sitting in his car at a stoplight when a car drove up next to him and open fired.  He died of gunshots to the throat, head and chest.

I am still trying to wrap my head around this while my heart explodes with grief.  I have had friends pass before, but when someone dies so suddenly and so violently there is a wrongness there that makes it so much harder to process.  That wrongness slips into your heart and tries to settle there, leaving inky black dust everywhere it touches.  Anger, grief, rage.  I struggle to find the sweet spot again, even while laying with my sweet child on my lap and my loving husband at my side.  Rather than wanting to hold them tighter, I want to push them away, to let the blackness of Yancy's untimely death wrap itself around my tender heart and shield it from pain.  To dip down where there is nothing to lose, nothing to grieve, nothing to give.

I will fight this.  It's part of the process.  As are the tears and the anger and the disbelief.  It seems impossible on this gorgeous late summer day that we should be dealing with such a hole in our hearts.  I am going to try and make it to the barn today to give my pony a scratch.  I don't feel much like riding (and I strained my neck so I shouldn't ride anyway) but pony necks are great sponges for tears, and I have a lot of those to share.

Yancy was not a horse person, but he was an outdoorsman.  Hiker, mountain climber, back country skier, Yancy jumped out of an airplane earlier this year to celebrate living life to it's fullest.  He would be the first one to say to go out and do it.  Try something new.  Push yourself harder.  He used to say that life was too short to waste...and he was right.

What's Best for You or Best for Your Horse?

I have a blog post with pictures about my meetup with fellow blogger from http://theredhorsetales.blogspot.com, but I need to upload my pictures still so that post will have to wait.  In the meantime, I need some advice.

I'm afraid I've turned into a bit of a barn snob.  Either that, or I am insisting on perfection.  Or maybe I have well founded fears.  Please help me think about this in a calm, ration way.  I've tried bouncing this off my non-horse friends but they don't know enough about horses to really participate.

My question is about barns.  Again.  My barn has been fantastic, but it's a little bit like jumping into the serious lap swim session at the pool and then thinking maybe you'd like to try synchronized diving or water polo.  Or maybe you just want to float around contemplating life.

I will try not to go on and on and on and to be as clear as possible.  Let's start with Barn A, the barn I'm currently at.

Barn A
Pros:

• Impeccable barn.  Barn aisle is always swept.  Wash rack clean.  Buckets clean.  Stalls clean.  Not so impeccable that you wonder if horses live there, but a pretty tight ship.
• Good footing in the arena.  Watered regularly.  Raked regularly.
• Almost everyone there is a better rider than I am and the instruction is top notch.  They went to a show last weekend and took Champion or Reserve Champion in all the divisions they entered.  This was a dressage show.  
• Great care for the horses.  From the food to regular chiropractic adjustments as needed to vitamins, supplements and knowing when your horse is off, the care is top notch.  I have never had to schedule a vet visit, a dentist visit and now even Tessa's feet are trimmed regularly.  They know what the horses need and they take care of it.  I trust them implicitly when it comes to my horse.  If they think she needs supplements or a vet visit or anything, they let me know right away.
• Turnouts are good sized and have grass in the summer.  Yes, for a solid six months they are muddy but this is the Pacific Northwest.  That's how we roll.  Horses go out in pairs and have access to a shelter.  They are turned out every other day for 8-10 hours and they come in if the weather is super miserable.  If the horses are kept in, they put them on a rotating schedule of arena time.
• The people are all nice.  Most of them are serious riders, but everyone has been pleasant.
• It's only 20 minutes from my house.

Cons:

• Only one small indoor arena that is often busy in the evenings with lessons.  Since lessons are serious business, it can be intimidating to ride when this is happening.
• Nobody rides anything except dressage and jumping.  
• The community is somewhat tight knit, but I think a lot of it revolves around shows.  There are no children.
• No place for non-horsey people to hang out if they come to the barn with you.

Barn B

Pros:

• Everyone there is super mellow.  Western.  English.  Bareback.  Trail.  They do a little bit of everything.
• The people there are more into their relationship with their horse than they are the training.  I would likely be one of the 'better' riders or at least one of the more 'serious' ones.  I mean, my first lesson there today she had me ride her horse in a Kimberwicke.  Uh....I have never taken a dressage lesson using a Kimberwicke.  However, she also put me on the longe line and then made me ride bareback!  I learned a lot, even if I was riding in a non-dressage bit.  
• They do fun things like bonfires, Halloween dress up parties, they have a 4-h group, they go to some local shows.  Lots of community it seems.
• Their indoor arena was bigger and even with a few other horses in there, didn't feel crowded at all.
• They have an outdoor riding space.  They call it an arena but it's a grass/sand mixture and it looks like it might be slick when the weather changes.  However, it's outside.  OUTSIDE! 
• Viewing room with heat and a couch.  And toys for kids.  And kids ride there!  Kids who could hang out with my kid!

Cons:

• The barn is not as clean.  I'm not talking about perfection, I just mean it wasn't as clean.  It was totally functional though and not gross at all, just a little less deep on the shavings and a little messier here and there.
• The turnouts are tiny, gravel turnouts with no shelter and no trees.  They are turned out for about three to four hours a day, but there isn't enough room to take more than about ten steps each direction.  A horse couldn't actually canter out there.  Turnout wouldn't mean much in terms of getting exercise, it would be more about fresh air.
• I wouldn't be getting the same level of perfection in my instruction.  I might pick up bad habits.  I might decide to screw it all and ride in a Kimberwicke and a hunt seat saddle and show Arab circuit.  I think I might be okay with this because...I might be happier there.
• Thirty minute drive.  That's an extra twenty minutes each time I go to the barn.  
• I would have to schedule all my own vet and farrier visits. 
• The school horse I rode had thrush in his front feet and it's summer.  I could smell it while I was picking out his front feet.  I don't know if that means anything, but I would be concerned if my horse had thrush in August.  In March, not so much, but it's been dry enough around here....but again, maybe I'm being too anal.

In closing, the horse all looked fine at Barn B.  There were about five of them that pinned their ears and lunged at other horses as they passed their stalls, but they also had open windows and I know some horses can be territorial that way.  They all were friendly when I walked by without a horse.

Would you board at a place that didn't have great turnout?  How big of a deal breaker is that for you?  I have looked at barn after barn after barn and this one has come the closest to having the right sense of community and mixture of disciplines and is actually a reasonable distance from me.

Superman

I missed two weeks of lessons and was huffing and puffing last night.  Sometimes, taking an extended break is helpful though.  Last night we identified a key problem area for me.  It's been a problem from the get go, but now that it's not mixed with anxiety and fear, I hadn't noticed it as much.  It's my Superman arms.

Arms of Steel.  From my shoulder blades to my fists, any time things aren't working my arms turn into steel rods of tension.  Here comes the scary corner.  Tight reins, arms of steel!  Canter transition where she might throw her head at my nose?  Arms of steel!  The dreaded tranter?  Arms of steel!

Linda gently chastised me because Tessa was cranky and sucking back again.  She said "It's time to look at what you're doing to prevent her forward motion."  I know, I'm a little late to this party.  But now that my tension is not fear related, it's time to let it go.

We worked on keeping my legs beneath me and my muscles somewhat relaxed.  Letting the motion of the horse carry me forward and being soft and supple.  Keeping Tessa's ears pointed the direction I'm going.  Oh, she's looking to the outside?  Arms of Steel!  No, wait, relax.  Relax.  I started muttering it under my breath.  Relax.  Hands down.  Relax.  Legs beneath you.  Relax.  Keep your rein length.  Relax.  Following hands.

The arena was super busy (six horses in a 70 x 120 covered arena) so it was more of a challenge than usual. We didn't have a whole lot of great moments, but I started to recognize when I was tensing up.  My goal for this week is not to worry too much about changing it to something effective, but to notice it EVERY time.  If I can then relax, great.  But I want to know every time I do it.  Including in my non-pony life.  My shoulders have long since shouldered (hahahaha.  this made me happy) the burden of my stresses.  Sitting at my desk.  Problem solving.  The tension starts in the middle of my shoulder blades, draws them together and eventually travels down the length of my arms.  It's time to recognize those moments.  Just by identifying them, I will start to change my behavior.

I'm excited that though I have tension in my body, there isn't the same tension in my brain.  Tessa bucked and kicked and threw her head to nose breaking heights last night (thank GOD for the martingale!!!!) and I was frustrated with myself but not afraid.  And in the end we had lovely forward motion and one ear flicked back on me all the way around the arena.

Breaking Promises

Heavy title isn't it?  Really, I'm just admitting that I broke my promise about more pictures.  I went out to the barn for two days in a row and don't have a single picture to show for it.  I'm sorry.  Especially since there some good things to take pictures of!

Saturday, I got reacquainted with my pony.  She's still rubbing out her tail, but it's not as bad.  Her butt gets incredibly dirty.  More than any other horse I've ever known!  Probably because she spends most of her time walking around with her tail held up or to one side.  So I'm thinking most of her tail rubbing is from a dirty butt at this point.  I'm going to clean her butt daily and try and check her udders once a week.  At this point, I'm still farming out the work on checking her udders because she's really nervous about it, but I can see that changing in the future.

Remember how frustrated I have been with my relationship and what am I doing and all that whining?  First of all, thanks for hanging in there and reading, even if you are rolling your eyes and sighing dramatically and saying to your computer monitor "Really, Mona Sterling?  How many stupid posts are you going to write about this?"  'Cause I totally do that to myself.  But I'm one of those people who work out problems by talking (or typing) it out.  I go on and on and on and on and then...it just works itself out.  You'd think after having things ALWAYS work out that I would relax a bit more.  But relaxing makes me a bit uncomfortable.  A good example of this is that my six year old is going away with my parents for five days.  FIVE DAYS!!  This is my chance to relax, right?  Ohhhhhhh no.  I have two extra work meetings, an extra riding lesson, a meetup with another blogger, a dinner party and I'm painting the living room, dining room, entryway and all of our trim including the fireplace.  Also, I am going to clean up the garage and clean up our guest room.  Somewhere in there, I will relax.  Ha!

Anyway, I was perusing the internets for some answers to my life problems.  Oh, you don't do that?  Really?  I can't afford a counselor AND a horse, so when the horse is the problem and not my solution, I turn to the internet.  I stumbled across a video about clicker training for spooky horses.  In my former life, I was a dog trainer and have used clicker training for dogs with some success.  I thought it would be fun to see what Tessa did.

Rather than using a clicker, I chose to use the word "Right" to reinforce.  I won't explain the process in detail (the videos on the website above do a better job of that) but within five times, Tessa was looking for food every time I said "Right".  I used tiny cut up carrots, but it would have been better with grain or something less crunchy I think.  The first thing I worked on was not mugging me for treats.  We were loose in the arena and she learned very quickly to turn her head forward if she wanted a treat.  Within ten minutes, I had her touching her nose to a cone to get treats.  I then brought in an umbrella and opened it.  Tessa's eyes went wide.  I held still, umbrella in one hand and carrots in the other.  Tessa looked at me, then looked at the umbrella.  'Right!" I exclaimed loudly and handed her some carrots.  I shook the umbrella.  Tessa took stock on the situation.  Scary umbrella?  Carrots?  She knew what I wanted.  She stretched her neck out and nosed the umbrella.  "Right! Right!"  I gave her a whole handful of carrots.

Then I walked around with the umbrella, Tessa following and touching it with her nose at every opportunity.  That day she also touched a coffee mug, my sweatshirt and learned that if she kept her head forward and her attitude in check while I was girthing her, she got lots of praise and carrots.  After my ride on Sunday, I did some more work with her and within ten minutes had her following me around, stopping when I stopped and backing up when I backed up.  At one point, she moved her body away from me and tried to come around front for a treat.  I just held still and she circled all the way around me and PUT HERSELF BACK IN POSITION!  I'm not even making this up!  She came back and put her shoulder even with my shoulder.

I will try to take pictures or even a video next time I have time to do this.  Probably not until next weekend, but I should be able to get something by then.

In other news, Tessa will be going for her first official trail ride on Saturday Sept. 9th.  A trainer at the barn who gives beginner lessons, Sarah, is going to take Tessa and her horse BeBe.  I will ride BeBe and Sarah will ride Tessa.  So exciting!

So my relationship with Tessa is improving as we try new things AND we're getting out of the arena.  Things are, as usual, just working themselves right out.

A Quick Update on.....Nothing

I've been out of town.  And though I got back two days early, I chose not to go see my horse.  What does this mean?  The balance of family, work and horse is so damn challenging.  How do you fit in family, work and horse time?  How long is your average trip to the barn?  How many times a week do you see your horse?  Do you pay for someone else to work your horse when you can't?

Sometimes it just feels like I'm juggling.  I know, the saying is juggling too many balls, but I can't juggle.  At all.  So it just feels like juggling where every time I think I've got it, that damn third ball gets added in and everything goes flying every which way.

I have plans to see my pony tomorrow.  Though I'm excited to see her, I'm kind of tired of doing 20 meter circles.

I did, however, just get some of the stuffing moved around in my saddle so it should fit even better.  We took a bunch out of the back of the seat so it should feel less like I'm falling off the front of her.

Next week, I have an exciting play date (do grown ups call them play dates??) with Laura from Red Horse Farm.    Yeah for meeting fellow bloggers and fellow horse people!  We're gonna do some ground work and then maybe a little Western riding.  I'm gonna rock my Cruel Girl jeans (and you thought I was only english.  ha!  I even have some Western spurs with rowels!!) and I'm gonna bring my camera!  Is it a sign of things not working for me that I'm more excited about doing this than I am about going out to ride my own horse?

I will try to take more pictures this next week so that even though my posts might be full of musings and critical questions, they will at least have pictures.  Because we all love pictures!