I've been waffling the last two years about my pony. You can see it clearly in most blog posts, sometimes as an underlying theme and sometimes as a big punch in the face.
I had a wonderful talk with a friend of mine who knows nothing about horses. In fact, she's only met my horse once and she's never seen me ride. But she knows ME. She's known me for 18 years. So, I feel like she may not be an expert on horses but she IS an expert on me.
What it came down to is that my pony is not the right pony for me. Here are the main points:
1. I want to do a variety of things with my horse. It's possible that Tessa could learn to do these things and be a trustworthy partner. This would take time, money and training. It's also not a given that we would be successful. It's an unknown.
2. I want a horse that isn't spooky. And please, please don't tell me that it's because she's an Arabian. I know that some Arabians are spookier than others. Tessa is my third Arab, but my first spooky, insecure Arab. I had hoped that with time and training this trait would calm down some, but either she needs a different rider or she's just always going to have more spook than most horses.
3. I want a horse that doesn't buck or kick out. Period. The end. It's one thing to have a horse buck once in a blue moon because of something like saddle fit, pain etc. It's another to spend every single ride having to work through the 'I don't wanna' phase. Again, this is something that could likely be resolved with training. I'm listing this more for what I want from the next horse.
It makes sense to sell the pony to someone who doesn't mind that she's not a solid citizen yet. There are lots of people who would be able to work through her quirks without any problems. She's a lovely horse who just wants you to spend time with her. She nickers when I come into the barn and will keep calling me until I come over to her stall and say hi. She's easy to catch, easy to load (except that one time with the teeny, tiny two horse after a trail ride), super easy to clip. There are lots of things that are good about her.
I'm going to talk to my trainers today. In the past they have tried to talk me out of it, but I think things are different this time. I'm not afraid of my pony. I'm not angry at my pony. I'm just realizing that even though I adore her, she doesn't have the temperament or skills I want right now. I don't have unlimited money or time, so I can't keep more than one horse.
Did I miss anything vital? Is there something I'm not considering in this decision?
It makes perfect sense to me - not all horse/rider combos are right, for whatever reasons. As you say, there are people who would be glad to have her and work with her and you can get another horse that's more to your liking. There's a lady at our barn who finally did the same thing after a number of years of trying to work with and make do with a horse that just wasn't working for her - she now has a new horse and is enjoying riding again and wishes she'd done it sooner.
ReplyDeleteYou know whats in your heart and it sounds like the right decision to me.
ReplyDeleteAlso sounds like a good decision to me as a 3rd party perspective reader of your blog. Riding is supposed to be fun!
ReplyDeleteAgreed. And ultimately that's what's best for her and for you.
ReplyDeleteYou need to do what is best for you and what is going to make you happy. If she isnt the right match for you then it is only fair to allow her and yourself to find the right partners who are absolutly out there.
ReplyDeleteI cant wait to hear about the new horse search its always a lot of fun looking at new prospects!
I think you've come to the right decision Mona. I have had to make this journey myself with Joey, and like you I've reached the point where it's no longer about my hang ups, or his. It's about the fact that at this point in time, the two of us together aren't working.
ReplyDeleteI want the best for him as well as me, so that means finding a good home that is able to provide what I can't. I think you've covered all the angles and know what you are now looking for, and that's all important. You have to do what's best for both of you! :)
bonita of A Riding Habit
"I'm not afraid of my pony. I'm not angry at my pony. I'm just realizing that even though I adore her, she doesn't have the temperament or skills I want right now."
ReplyDeleteSounds reasonable and fair to me. :)
Like a boyfriend, you don't marry them just because you love them. You wait for the one that brings out the best in you.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, from an outsider's perspective, it's seemed like you've been edging in this direction for the past year at least! I think you've certainly spent enough time thinking over all the various pros and cons and I'm glad you've come to a decision. It's been great to watch how much progress you've made with Tessa, but like you said--time and money is limited. You've got to make the most of the time and money you do have by doing what will make you happiest.
ReplyDeleteAnd with all you've learned from Tessa's antics, you've probably become a much stronger rider for your next horse!
From what I have read, you have given this partnership your all - no one will think the less of you for your decision. Horses are a passion that should be fun!
ReplyDeleteI think you have tried your best to work with Tessa. I totally get how hard it is to sell a horse that "should" be a good horse for you. I had someone tell me once 'if a friend or a boyfriend treated you the way this horse treats you, would you still be friends with them?' You've gone to professionals for help, you've tried different things but she's just not that into you.
ReplyDeleteSomeone once told me "you know, there are easier horses out there." If you don't have the lifestyle, the skill, the time, or the desire to ride a horse like Tessa you don't have to. Consistent and correct riding will improve any horse, even spooky ones that buck but it doesn't mean that you have to be that rider. A poor match doesn't say anything about your skill, just that this isn't the horse for you. I ride arabians, and if you want another one there is one out there for you that matches your personality and desires.
ReplyDeleteYou have definitely given her a chance, but she just isn't THE ONE for you. I think this is the right choice for you and Tessa.
ReplyDeleteAll of you are so wonderful. Your thoughts are exactly what I need. I'm not sure where this will end up or even where it's going right now, but yes, yes and yes. And Kate, I can't wait to read your post. I'm just interested in exploring the nurture/nature part of confidence in horses. They say riders can ruin a horses confidence, so it would stand to reason that even if Tessa got more confidence that if she's sensitive, I could ruin it quickly.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to updating everyone soon and seeing how this plays out....