Thursday, October 20, 2011

Panic, Paranoia and other Perplexing Things

Right, so first we need to get something out of the way.  What's up with the nickname Panic you ask?  Well, first of all it has a P which makes it kind of catchy with Princess and second of all, I have panic attacks.  And anxiety.  And sometimes depression.  Most of us who suffer with one of these things can relate to all three.  The holy trinity of the nervous system.  It started with some panic attacks in my 20's.  Here's a brief, personal and with absolutely no medical mumbo jumbo, introduction to the three.

 Panic attacks vary per person so your panic attack might be different, but mostly they feel like you are dying.  I mean REALLY DYING.  Sweating, heart racing, shallow breathing.  You think you might pass out or throw up or pass out in your throw up.  You are pretty sure you are going to die.  Sometimes it feels like the world is shifting uncomfortably.  Ick. Panic attacks are big bullies that jump out from behind buildings to make you pee your pants.  Panic attacks are why you look over your shoulder all the time, dreading that moment.

Anxiety is panic attacks white trash cousin.  Anxiety is always hanging out in his dirty underwear and tanktop, drinking beer out of a can and watching fishing shows on your television.  Sometimes anxiety gets loud and drunk and obnoxious and sometimes anxiety passes out on the couch for a few hours, but mostly anxiety is just there.  Constantly on the lookout for something to have a panic attack over.  Anxiety is not real smart either, which means anxiety can convince you that though other people can ride their horse alone, you will probably die if you do it.  Maybe Anxiety is more like an overbearing mother.  An overbearing, chain smoking, beer drinking mother who hangs around in her underwear watching fishing shows.  Yeah, that's it.

Depression is Anxiety's slovenly brother.  Depression can't be bothered to even turn on the television, let alone get up and get another beer.  Depression sits in the lazy boy and grunts monosyllable answers.  Depression convinces you there is no point in leaving the house or even the chair.  Depression lets you know that no good deed goes unpunished, that nothing will ever be good enough.  Depression would be a heroin addict if he didn't have to actually get off the couch to get it.  Depression eats cookies and then just lets the crumbs fall around him and in the cracks of the chair.  

Whoooeee, it's a party up in here isn't it?  Now the good news is that I've mostly kicked depression to the curb (hello exercise and vitamins!) and that my panic attacks and anxiety are becoming much more manageable (Theanine the wonder vitamin!).  However, I still suffer from Worst Case Scenario Syndrome which leads me down that slippery slope.  You may see children playing at a park; I see children INCHES AWAY FROM THEIR IMMINENT DEMISE!  The corner of the jungle gym and that child's cheek could connect in JUST THE RIGHT WAY which would knock out all of his teeth and require surgery.  It's funny, sort of, if you're not the one trying to control these thoughts.

So, now, before we move on in the story I just want you to imagine for a moment.  Panic.  And a Pony.  Right. If I need to say more, it's only because you don't know much about horses.  Those of you that do know ponies are nodding your heads and going "Oh, girl.  And you bought a young Arab mare.  What were you thinking?"

1 comment:

  1. I know of what you speak! Back in the '80's valium was delicious for my depression, but I had to get a grip and start finding out the triggers and deal with them, which I did. My anxiety attacks were almost paralyzing. They got to the point that the top of my head was going to blow off and my heart was pounding to the point I couldn't hear. Once my doctor explained what was happening and I knew I wasn't dying, it was a little easier to work through it. But there are still lots of scenarios that will start my heart when I ride. :-)