Monday, April 30, 2012

Recipe for Anxiety

First you must gather all the necessary ingredients.  Here's what you need

3 glasses of wine.  Two white and one red.
One party with friends on a Sunday night.
Thanksgiving foods like turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing.
Pumpkin pie and whipped cream.
One whipped cream vodka jello shot.
Restless sleep
Two rides on the pony in two weeks.
No turnout on Sunday.
Two days off for the pony.
Windy weather
A drop in temperature.

Step one:

Mix together the alcohol, the food and the friends.  Stir very well.  Ingredients must be mixed well enough that the logical part of your brain is silenced. You can add a small glass of water, but do not add enough to counteract the alcohol and sugar.  Heat to a boil and let simmer for about six hours.

Step two:

Do not drink any water.  Proceed to bed and fall in.  Wake up an hour later, thirsty.  Drink 24oz of water.  Wake up an hour after that to pee.  Go downstairs to refill water.  Drink more.  Pee more.  Fall back to sleep with a headache.  Have vividly bad dreams about ex husbands and furniture.  Wake up every thirty minutes debating getting up to take Ibuprofen.  Do not take the Ibuprofen as this might actually help with sleep.  If you get good sleep, the recipe loses it's punch.

Step three:

Wake up with a raging headache and a cranky, sleep deprived kindergartner (don't worry, she didn't do any jello shots).  Mix physical discomfort with pony anxiety.  The ratio should be about 50/50.  A group lesson must be scheduled, as a private lesson in an empty arena does not offer the same level of anxiety.  The weather must be very blustery and with a significant drop in temperature.  It's important that the weather be the kind that makes ponies feisty.

Step four:

Let the whole mess simmer all day while your sleep deprived, dehydrated brain plays horror movies of crazy ponies.

And there it is.  A recipe for anxiety.  I have followed it to a tee and it seems to be working marvelously.

Should you make too much of this recipe (which I may have) drink lots and lots of water, eat some nutritious foods, take a nap, take some Ibuprofen and get your ass out to the barn for that group lesson.




3 comments:

  1. Lol! I hope you find a way to relax and kick butt in your group lesson.

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  2. Since I don't have a kindergartner, I usually play the roll of the sleep deprived kindergartner after a night like that.

    You missed the part where you debate puking for several hours before finally falling back asleep. You know that if you'd just puke and get it done you'd feel a million percent better, but you decide puking sucks so much that you will suffer the alternative instead lol.

    Good luck with the lesson. I'm sure it will go just fine anyway! :)

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  3. Hope your lesson goes/went?? great! I made the alcohol+anxiety+ponies mistake yesterday on a trail ride, but managed to push it down and have a great ride :)

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